1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
Bible: the FIRST thing JHVH1 created was the Earth, so the Earth is just as old as the universe!
Truth: the Earth is 4.54 billion years old. The universe is 13.798 ± 0.037 billion years old.
Bible: before there was anything else on Earth, there was water.
Truth: there was no water on the Earth because it was all MOLTEN. It needed to cool down over a hundred million years before liquid water could even exist.
Bible: the "deep" was dark.
Truth: Magma glows red and yellow! Molten magma sure as fuck isn't "dark"!
Result: 3 lies in 2 verses for 150% lies.
3 And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 4 God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. 5 God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.
Bible: Daylight was created AFTER the formation of the Earth.
Truth: Daylight == Sunlight and the SUN formed 4.57 billion years ago. Which makes it OLDER than the Earth!
Bible: Light is some kind of essence separate from darkness.
Truth: Light is IN darkness. What would you call space other than pure darkness? And if you don't call space darkness then darkness is merely the ABSENCE of light. Or the PERCEPTION of low light. Sun spots are very, VERY bright ... they're just less bright than what's around them so they appear black. Since humans and living beings didn't exist then, and even the bible doesn't claim they did, saying that JHVH1 separated the perception of darkness from the perception of light is a LIE!
Bible: there was only one revolution of the Earth either on its axis or around the Sun (one day or one year) during the ENTIRE formation of the Earth.
Truth: it took a billion years for the Earth to cool. That's hundreds of billions of days.
Result: 3 lies in 3 verses for 100% lies.
6 And God said, “Let there be a vault between the waters to separate water from water.” 7 So God made the vault and separated the water under the vault from the water above it. And it was so. 8 God called the vault “sky.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day.
Bible: the sky is water. H2O. It's separated from the land by a magical forcefield or a glass bubble or something.
Truth: the sky is NOT separated from the land by anything, magical or otherwise, forcefield or otherwise. The sky is not even "out there" it's fucking IN HERE. The sky is in fact the outer edge of the atmosphere. In reality, there's no such thing as "the sky" except as an illusion, there is only THE ATMOSPHERE.
Truth: the atmosphere sure as fuck isn't H2O.
Truth: the volcanic outgassing that formed the atmosphere sure as fuck didn't form in a day!
Truth: there is a conspicuous absence of mention of the fact the first atmosphere didn't have any oxygen and that the formation of oxygen is known as the Oxygen Catastrophe since it was POISON TO EARLY LIFE!
Truth: the condensing of the oceans out of steam happened over a billion years!
Result: 6 lies and 1 omission in 3 verses for 233% lies!
9 And God said, “Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear.” And it was so. 10 God called the dry ground “land,” and the gathered waters he called “seas.” And God saw that it was good.
Bible: land was uncovered from water receding.
Truth: the only time this happened was during Snowball Earth events, when all life on Earth was destroyed! How the fuck is this "good"?
Truth: the land was created from the super-continents RISING due to PLATE TECTONICS!
Bible: there were multiple seas at the beginning.
Truth: There was ONE ocean and ONE super-continent.
Result: 3 lies and 1 omission in 2 verses for 200% lies!
11 Then God said, “Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds.” And it was so. 12 The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. 13 And there was evening, and there was morning—the third day.
Bible: seed-bearing plants were the FIRST of all vegetation to be created.
Truth: seed-bearing plants were the LAST to evolve! They evolved about 300 million years ago, whereas plants crept onto the land about 420 million years ago. That's about a hundred million years that's just breezed by without a single word!
Bible: every seed is "according to its kind" - there are no MIXED kinds. There are no plant hybrids!
Truth: not only are there plant hybrids but there are FERTILE plant hybrids. In fact, probably MOST plant species are hybrids of some kind or another! Hell, EVERY LAST SPECIES OF SEED-BEARING PLANT IS A HYBRID!
Result: 3 lies in 3 verses for 100% lies.
14 And God said, “Let there be lights in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred times, and days and years, 15 and let them be lights in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth.” And it was so. 16 God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. 17 God set them in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth, 18 to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. 19 And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day.
Bible: Daylight is not Sunlight. Daylight is not CREATED or GENERATED or RADIATED by the sun, but merely "controlled" by the Sun's magical powers!
Truth: Daylight == Sunlight!!!
Bible: the moon generates light!
Truth: the moon REFLECTS light!
Bible: the moon was created separately from the Earth.
Truth: The moon was created FROM the Earth, and another planetoid.
Bible: the Sun was created AFTER vegetation.
Truth: (blinks) do I need to say this?
Bible: the Sun is responsible for years!
Truth: The EARTH is responsible for years!
Bible: the Sun is NOT A STAR! It was created BEFORE the stars!
Truth: the Sun IS a star! And as stars go it's fairly young!
Bible: the stars are in the "sky" that is at the edge of the atmosphere.
Truth: the stars are thousands of light years away and it would take THOUSANDS OF YEARS for their first light to reach the Earth!
Bible: the planets are stars!
Truth: the gas giant planets were responsible for the Late Heavy Bombardment which remelted the Earth and cleared out all the asteroids. Hardly insignificant "lights" in the "sky".
Result: 9 lies in 5 verses for 180% lies.
20 And God said, “Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the vault of the sky.” 21 So God created the great creatures of the sea and every living thing with which the water teems and that moves about in it, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. 22 God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth.” 23 And there was evening, and there was morning—the fifth day.
Bible: birds were created as-is.
Truth: birds evolved from DINOSAURS. And the first flying dinosaurs didn't have feathers so they weren't birds
Bible: fish were created much, MUCH later than seed-bearing plants!
Truth: Seed-bearing plants evolved at the END of the Devonian period. The whole entire Devonian period is also known as The Age Of Fish!
Bible: EVERY living animal species was created simultaneously..
Truth: species evolve and go extinct. The mass extinctions, of which there have been MANY, are conspicuously missing in this Children's Storytime episode. You'd think that 95% or more of ALL LIFE ON EARTH DISAPPEARING would be worth a mention in Genesis, but nooooo!
Bible: There are no transitory species. There are no hybrid animals.
Truth: there have ALWAYS been hybrid animals. Coyote-dogs, fox-wolves, many, many more. And as for transitory species ...
4 lies and 1 omission in 4 verses for 125% lies.
24 And God said, “Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: the livestock, the creatures that move along the ground, and the wild animals, each according to its kind.” And it was so. 25 God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.
Bible: Reptiles were created AFTER seed-bearing plants. Amphibians were created AFTER seed-bearing plants.
Truth: Reptiles are 310-320 million years old. Seed-bearing plants are younger than 319 million years old. So roughly the same time, or older. Amphibians are 370 million years old, so much older than seed-bearing plants.
Truth: there is a conspicuous omission of the insects!
Bible: Amphibians and reptiles were created AFTER whales!
Truth: Give me a fucking break, whales are MAMMALS! So they're younger than 65 million years old!
Bible: there are no transitory species, there are no half-reptiles, or half-amphibians or whatever.
Truth: Bull and shit. You'd have to be pretty fucking retarded to not have heard of all the transitory species. So much for all that "after its own kind" cock and bull story!
Bible: God created livestock at the same time he created reptiles.
Truth: HUMANS created livestock through DOMESTICATION several hundreds of millions of years later. That fucking credit-stealing asshole!
Result: 5 lies and 1 omission in 2 verses for 300% lies.
27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
Bible: Humans were badly designed to resemble a retarded mongoloid evil god psychopath who couldn't even tell a good story to his legions of mindless peons.
Truth: well, the badly-designed, retarded and mongoloid are all true. However, humans weren't created OR designed. They evolved. FROM MONKEYS. Which is why the first humans were all incestuous, homicidal, genocidal, and infanticidal. Also MINDLESS, incapable of language and lacking in consciousness!
Bible: the first humans being created "in the image of God" were capable of thoughts such as "this is good".
Truth: without language and without consciousness, this is totally impossible. The first homo sapiens sapiens WERE ANIMALS. They made retarded mongoloids look like super-geniuses! And they were so for ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND YEARS, until 9,000 years ago!
Result: 2 lies in 1 verse. 200% lies! And that's being generous.
26 Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals,[a] and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”
Bible: humans were created in order to rule other species, even fish and birds.
Truth: for 100,000 years, homo sapiens sapiens WERE ANIMALS. Completely mindless, incapable of speech, incapable of thought!
28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”
Bible: humans are "blessed" in their biology.
Truth: humans have just about inferior everything. Human eyes are vastly inferior to birds. Humans are susceptible to viruses for no good reason. Humans are ... fuck I don't want to go on, the list of flaws is so long it would fill entire books. There's a reason medical doctors are rarely if ever religious. Second only to psychologists who have to deal with the supposed "wonder" that is the schizophrenic mind, made in "God's image". If taken literally then God must be a psychotic madman with delusions of grandeur and no grasp of reality. Hmmm okay, that is totally believable.
2 lies in 2 verses for 100% lies.
29 Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. 30 And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds in the sky and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food.” And it was so.
Bible: green plants exist to be food for animals.
Truth: it appears the plants disagree, given the copious array of POISONS which plants have evolved. They don't like to be eaten. Or maybe JHVH1 is just a total fucking asshole "giving" everyone poison!
Truth: Ever heard of the word "inedible"? It doesn't apply just to rocks!
2 schizophrenic lies from a total fucking asshole in 2 verses for 100% totally psycho EVIL GOD!
31 God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.
Bible: the Earth right after God created it was "good".
Truth: NO, NO IT WASN'T. IT WAS VERY, VERY BAD! Wheat hadn't evolved. Strawberries were inedible tiny lumps. Just about all the food plants were missing. Aurochs were deadly - there were no cows. Boars were deadly - there were no pigs! There were no dogs, only wolves! HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU CALL THIS GOOD YOU FUCKING RETARDS!?
And that's without counting in the fact the planet is set to blow up on a regular basis, from asteroids, from super-volcanoes, from ... bah.
1 huge honking lie by a totally psycho EVIL GOD in 1 verse for TOTALLY PSYCHO EVIL GOD!
HUMANS CREATED EDEN YOU FUCKING RETARDED MORONS!
Not only that, but it was HUMANS that created humans! Homo sapiens was an ANIMAL species, mindless and incapable of thought. It wasn't until Humans MADE humans that humans were capable of thought!
WE ARE A SELF-CREATED SPECIES THAT CREATED EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD!
HUMANITY IS GOD!
And if you want to worship it, go right ahead. Only stop looking in the fucking sky when you do. And if you want to talk to god, stop fucking praying and pick up a telephone.